Widgets Corp LLC, Inc. has changed the ranking system for the 7th consecutive year. "We feel like we really got it right this time," said Jennifer Smith, Human Resources Director. "Then again, we thought we were close three years ago but have had to make changes ever since."
The internal announcement stated employees will be rated on a scale from 1 to 3. Reporters later found out that there are six levels: 1, 1.5, 1.7, 2, and 3. When asked why the levels aren't whole numbers, Smith told reporters, "Being last is bad enough but getting a 5 would be embarrassing!" It seems they are trying hard to continue the idea that "All Widgets Are Winners".
Unfortunately, not all employees are even eligible for the highest rating. After reading the details, reporters discovered:
- Level 1: completely unattainable
- Level 1.5: only eligible to the owner
- Level 1.7: only for those in the Human Resources Department
- Level 2: highest rating eligible for employees
- Level 3: lowest rating eligible for employees
When asked why HR gets their own level, Smith said, "Well we are the geniuses who created this whole thing."
Then a reporter pointed out that this means nearly all the employees only have a possible rating of 2 or 3. Smith retorted, "Yeah, we tried to keep this process simple."
Written by John Garrett
