Employees Upgrade to the Fast Lane

As expected, January's whopping 4% raises have significantly changed the lives of Widgets Corp LLC, Inc. employees, rocketing them into an elite set of consumers. Marketing Associate Theresa Higgins is no exception.

On the evening of January 7, Higgins took her first "post-raise" visit to the local supermarket. "Usually I buy the generic brand soda," said Higgins. On this night, flush with money from her new raise, Higgins headed straight for the Coca-Cola display. "Yeah, it was well over a dollar for a two liter compared to the usual 88 cents, but it was worth it." She went on to add, "and I'm worth it."

All across the area, one could find countless other examples of newfound wealth. At lunch on January 5, Matt Fuchs opted for extra cheese on his usual two slices of pizza. Previously, he only sprung for this luxury on his birthday.

The most extreme example took place over the weekend, when Jonathan Schmitt put $10 worth of premium gasoline in his car "because I felt like it."

In a related story, the Federal Reserve announced the recent splurge in spending by Widgets employees could be solely responsible for reviving the U.S. economy.


Written by John Garrett