As Dave Gilbertson walks around the Widgets Corp LLC, Inc. corporate office, he tries to be friendly to each employee he passes. But after seeing Michelle Wolf six times yesterday, Dave was running out of things to say. "I used up all the greetings I could think of," Dave told reporters. "I really didn't know what else to say to her."
After using the standard lines 'hello', 'what's up?', 'how ya doin' and even 'howdy', Dave resorted to another language with 'bonjour'. "It's a good thing I saw that Olsen twins movie Passport to Paris," he said before quickly adding, "Wait, that last part is off the record."
Dave had a feeling he would run into Michelle again so he used Yahoo! Answers to research creative ways to say hello. That is where he discovered the line 'you smell fantastic'. "Yeah, that was the first one I saw so that was the only one that stuck in my head," Dave admitted. "I guess I should have stuck to 'hi'."
Human Resources has since announced that Michelle will not be punished for giving Dave a black eye.
Written by John Garrett
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Saturday, October 1, 2011
IT Director Locked Out of System
IT Director Peter King forgot his password Monday morning and is still locked out of the system four days later. The WindowsXP security settings allow users three incorrect entries before requiring a new password. Unfortunately, King is responsible for resetting passwords when employees are locked out and there doesn't seem to be a backup plan in place. "I guess we never really thought about it happening to me," King admitted. "I've been calling our vendor for three days but they haven't been much help. We should have sprung for the upgraded support package."When asked why they don't seem to have the same problem, other Widgets Corp LLC, Inc. employees stated, "I never forget mine because I just change the number at the end," said Jim Alger, who is using Password7 right now. "By the time I get to 9, I'm able to use the number 1 again". A bewildered VP, who asked to remain anonymous, added, "Why doesn't he just write in on a post-it note under his keyboard like everyone else?"
Peter King commented that he doesn't recommend writing your password on a post-it note. It's also safe to assume that he doesn't recommend getting locked out of the system.
Written by John Garrett
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Automatic Stapler Named Purchase of the Year
November 17th was a very important date in the history of Widgets Corp LLP, Inc. because that is when the Bostitch Anti-Jam Electric Stapler arrived at the corporate office.
Reporters found that Donald Wheeler is being credited with creating Purchase Order 102785 which approved the purchase of Widgets’ first automatic stapler. Wheeler says he picked that model because “…it had anti-jam in the name and that sounded cool”.
It was an easy choice for 2010 Purchase of the Year because employees throughout the office rave about the stapler. IT Specialist Mike Doberstein told reporters, “The owner’s manual says it staples up to 45 sheets of paper but I was able to squeeze in 48 one time.” He then smiled and added, “…but that’s probably because I’m a rebel.”
Written by John Garrett
Reporters found that Donald Wheeler is being credited with creating Purchase Order 102785 which approved the purchase of Widgets’ first automatic stapler. Wheeler says he picked that model because “…it had anti-jam in the name and that sounded cool”.
It was an easy choice for 2010 Purchase of the Year because employees throughout the office rave about the stapler. IT Specialist Mike Doberstein told reporters, “The owner’s manual says it staples up to 45 sheets of paper but I was able to squeeze in 48 one time.” He then smiled and added, “…but that’s probably because I’m a rebel.”
Written by John Garrett
Monday, August 1, 2011
Kelli Abuses "Business Casual" Attire Rule
Kelli Ellis has the corporate office talking about her reckless attitude towards the office's business casual policy. Ellis, known for always being on the cutting edge, may have stepped over the line last week. Sporting merely khakis and a white t-shirt, Ellis strolled around like she was "all that". Her outfit clearly flew in the face of the office policy, which specifically states that "unacceptable attire includes... t-shirts or any other shirts without collars."
"It really made for an unprofessional environment," said Bruce Tapp. "I don't know how I can be expected to work when people are going to flaunt the rules like that."
Ellis defended her choice of outfits by stating that the t-shirt was purchased at the Gap, which somehow makes it acceptable. "Besides, I had to box up files this morning," Ellis said. An analysis of the policy turned up no exception for that activity.
Widgets leadership announced that Ellis would be given one-month's dress code probation, as well as not being allowed to participate in the next "blue jeans day".
Written by John Garrett
"It really made for an unprofessional environment," said Bruce Tapp. "I don't know how I can be expected to work when people are going to flaunt the rules like that."
Ellis defended her choice of outfits by stating that the t-shirt was purchased at the Gap, which somehow makes it acceptable. "Besides, I had to box up files this morning," Ellis said. An analysis of the policy turned up no exception for that activity.
Widgets leadership announced that Ellis would be given one-month's dress code probation, as well as not being allowed to participate in the next "blue jeans day".
Written by John Garrett
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