Kelli Abuses "Business Casual" Attire Rule

Kelli Ellis has the corporate office talking about her reckless attitude towards the office's business casual policy. Ellis, known for always being on the cutting edge, may have stepped over the line last week. Sporting merely khakis and a white t-shirt, Ellis strolled around like she was "all that". Her outfit clearly flew in the face of the office policy, which specifically states that "unacceptable attire includes... t-shirts or any other shirts without collars."

"It really made for an unprofessional environment," said Bruce Tapp. "I don't know how I can be expected to work when people are going to flaunt the rules like that."

Ellis defended her choice of outfits by stating that the t-shirt was purchased at the Gap, which somehow makes it acceptable. "Besides, I had to box up files this morning," Ellis said. An analysis of the policy turned up no exception for that activity.

Widgets leadership announced that Ellis would be given one-month's dress code probation, as well as not being allowed to participate in the next "blue jeans day".


Written by John Garrett

Employees Upgrade to the Fast Lane

As expected, January's whopping 4% raises have significantly changed the lives of Widgets Corp LLC, Inc. employees, rocketing them into an elite set of consumers. Marketing Associate Theresa Higgins is no exception.

On the evening of January 7, Higgins took her first "post-raise" visit to the local supermarket. "Usually I buy the generic brand soda," said Higgins. On this night, flush with money from her new raise, Higgins headed straight for the Coca-Cola display. "Yeah, it was well over a dollar for a two liter compared to the usual 88 cents, but it was worth it." She went on to add, "and I'm worth it."

All across the area, one could find countless other examples of newfound wealth. At lunch on January 5, Matt Fuchs opted for extra cheese on his usual two slices of pizza. Previously, he only sprung for this luxury on his birthday.

The most extreme example took place over the weekend, when Jonathan Schmitt put $10 worth of premium gasoline in his car "because I felt like it."

In a related story, the Federal Reserve announced the recent splurge in spending by Widgets employees could be solely responsible for reviving the U.S. economy.


Written by John Garrett

Tim Green Missing After Filing December 31 Timesheet

Senior Associate Tim Green was one of three employees rounded up for failing to account for every six-minute block on their December 31 timesheet.

"Each block is vital because that could be billable time," said Gina Rakers. "If Tim’s rate was $200 an hour, that means the Firm is out a whopping twenty bucks." The punishment for an error like this is three days in solitary confinement sorting the mail.

"How many times do I have to tell that kid?" asked Mike Atwood, Vice President. "I certainly hope that he learns his lesson."


Written by John Garrett

Miller Reschedules a Rescheduled, Rescheduled Meeting

In a move regarded as the boldest in years, Janice Miller rescheduled a rescheduled, rescheduled meeting back to the original time. "There is nothing else I could do," she admitted. "Kevin's calendar is so full". Apparently the original time slot opened up after Kevin's golf tee time moved to another day.


Written by John Garrett